Escape From Wallcatraz
by Possessed
Summary: This is my first attempt at a fanfic. r&r and flame me all you want
1. Chapter 1

Escape From Wallcatraz  
  
(weird little name but a pretty damn good story)  
  
(Scene: Fry, Bender, and Leela are sitting on the couch in the lounge. Fry is desperately flipping through channels)  
  
FRY: Geeze, you would think since the year 1999 you could get more than five channels.   
  
LEELA: We WERE able to until Bender broke the satelite dish. Now we've had to revert back to the plain old regular television.  
  
BENDER: Yeah, well, you try standing on top of that damn roof for three hours while you watch the All My Circuits marathon just so I can get YOU better reception. Its a disgrace to all robots! (crosses his arms and gives an angry look to Fry and Leela)  
  
LEELA: But, Bender, we didn't make you stand on the roof. You just went up there so you could watch some robot get undressed in the strip club down the street. You started to fall so you grabbed onto the satelite dish and broke it.   
  
BENDER: You humans are all the same. You always think what you want! (mumbling) If I were a human I'd give everyone what for, you'd see, all of you.  
  
Fry and Leela didn't pay any attention to Bender. Meanwhile, an automatic door opened and all three of them turned their heads to see the Professor standing next to the couch.  
  
PROFESSOR: Good news, everyone... (gets cut off by Fry)  
  
FRY: Let me guess, you're gonna send us on some crazy mission to deliver some stupid package to someone. Then I'm gonna end up drinking an emperor, Bender's gonna get shot out of the ship at light speed, and in the end Leela's gonna end up saving both of us and lecturing us on our antics. Right?  
  
PROFESSOR: Oh my, yes! But today, we have something special to deliver to... (Gets cut off by Fry again)  
  
FRY: Okay, let me guess again, I'm on a roll. We're going to go someplace like Stumbos 4 where we get crushed under our own hair? Or maybe we're going to the near death star to rescue one of your friends? Or we could always go to the moon and get attacked by a crazy old farmer again?  
  
PROFESSOR: Shut up, Fry! You're just recalling where you've been before... (Once again gets cut off by Fry)  
  
FRY: I'll say what I wanna think and i'll think what I wanna be and so on and so forth until it stops making sence.  
  
PROFESSOR: Shut up, you idiot! It didn't make sence in the first place! Now, Fry, if you have ANYTHING else to say please do so now so I can get to my point.  
  
Fry thinks for a minute before opening his mouth to say something but immediatey closes it back up again.  
  
PROFESSOR: Good. Now, back to what I was saying. Today you're gonna deliver a package to Jailbird 7, the jail planet. You're going to be delivering these cheap nail files (picks a cardboard box off the floor with a label marked JAILBIRD 7 on it)  
  
BENDER: Oh crap! By any chance is there any cops around on this planet of criminals?  
  
PROFESSOR: Thousands. Why do you ask?  
  
BENDER: I just need to hide a few things before we leave. (Stands up and walks out of the lounge)  
  
PROFESSOR: I guess you can leave as soon as Bender gets back from whatever he's doing.  
  
The garbage disposal is heard in the background followed by Bender's voice.  
  
BENDER: Ha! I'd like to see the fuzz look down the garbage disposal... (stops for a minute) Garbage disposal! Wait! I need that back! Ack! Ahh! Whoa! Watch the legs! Help!  
  
PROFESSOR: I mean, as soon as we find a can opener. (walked slowly away followed closely (very closely) by Fry and Leela)  
  
It doesn't have anything to do with the made up little thing Wallcatraz but it will soon (in the next chapter) 


	2. Chapter 2

PART TWO  
  
Having dug Bender out of the garbage disposal, the Planet Express crew was on their way to Jailbird 7.  
  
Inside the ship the three were having a conversation.  
  
LEELA: (looking through the floating rear view mirror.) Sorry about having to take a can opener to you, Bender. I just don't see how you could have possible gotten stuck in that garbage disposal in the first place.  
  
BENDER: (he is all cut open where he had the can opener try and somehow get him out of the disposal.) It didn't even work. And that crazy old bastard calls himself a professor?  
  
FRY: Aw, come on, it could have been worse.  
  
BENDER: Really? How?  
  
FRY: Well, uh, you could have gotten cut open by a can opener Me, Leela, and The Professor used to try and dig you out of the garbage disposal.  
  
Leela and Bender stared at him for a minute.  
  
BENDER: (disapprovingly) Meatbag, meatbag, meatbag.  
  
LEELA: I just hope you don't act like that on the planet, you guys... (gets cut off by Bender.)  
  
BENDER: US?  
  
LEELA: Yeah, us, I've seen you two do some pretty stupid things. But, anyway, don't be stupid on the planet. I don't want to be kicked out of anywhere or embarassed about anything, right Fry?   
  
FRY: You sound like my mother.  
  
Leela shot him an angry glance before turning her attention back to the space highway.  
  
FRY: What?  
  
(Outside the ship)  
  
The ship turned off the highway and barely avoided a flying truck. Jailbird 7 was in sight.  
  
(Back inside the ship)  
  
LEELA: Okay, we're here. All we need to to is deliver the nail files and leave. Please, don't screw this up.  
  
FRY: Relax. I'm sure everything will go okay. (Fry tried to lift the box of nail files but didn't succeed and they fell on his toes.) OW!  
  
Fry held onto his foot and hopped around the room. Leela and Bender looked on.  
  
LEELA: (whispering) And they said I'd like being a starship captain. (regularly) Okay, Fry, that's enough. Let me take care of the package. (leaned over and picked up the box without struggling.)  
  
BENDER: (His cuts have disappeared like magic.) Can we just leave? My feet are falling asleep.  
  
LEELA: But, Bender, how could your feet fall asleep, you're a robot.  
  
BENDER: Did I ask for your opinion?  
  
The crew walked out of the ship into a jungle. There, Fry looked around and pondered why Jailbird 7 resembled a jungle so closely.  
  
FRY: A jungle? Do you think we screwed up and went to the Planet of the Apes instead?  
  
LEELA: The thing on my wrist said this was the correct coordinates. Is it malfunctioning again? (shakes her arm up and down.)  
  
FRY: I still think we're on the Planet of the Apes.   
  
LEELA: I hope not. I only filled the tank enough to make a trip to Jailbird 7 and back to Earth. I also told SOMEONE to load extra dark matter onto the ship. (looks at Bender.)  
  
BENDER: Sure, make the robot do all the work. Isn't there a robot labor law?  
  
LEELA: You mean CHILD labor law and no there's not.  
  
BENDER: What? But there's plenty of robots working their fingers to the wires to please humanity. You'd think they'd pass a law saying robots shouldn't have to serve mankind anymore.  
  
LEELA: I don't see what the big deal is for you, Bender. You barely do half the stuff I tell you to anyway.  
  
BENDER: If I couldn't go to jail for ripping out someone's toungue, strangling them with it, stuffing their deceased body into a garbage bag, and chucking the body in a lake I'd do it to you!  
  
FRY: Can we stop arguing now?   
  
LEELA: Yeah, if we don't get these nail files delivered we'll get a pay deduction.  
  
BENDER: So, I steal enough stuff to make myself filthy rich. Who needs a pay check when you've got the things I've stolen?  
  
LEELA: Really? Then how come you never spend it?  
  
BENDER: (unsure) I like green paper.   
  
LEELA: Whatever. Let's go, guys. I'm not sure if we're going to even get off the planet with all the arguing we're doing. (collects the box of nail files and walks into the jungle. Fry and Bender follow her.)  
  
The crew had been walking for hours. Instead of a jungle they were now in a desert land. Fry was sweaty and breathing hard. He had taken his jacket off and tied it around his waist to try and keep cool. Leela's pony tail was messed up and she was sweating, but not as bad as Fry. Bender followed along completely fine, finding disadvantages of being human.  
  
BENDER: Will you hurry up? Fry's starting to bug me with his hard breathing. Inhale exhale inhale exhale, it's driving me nuts!  
  
LEELA: Bender, humans have to breathe.   
  
BENDER: Shut up, Leela!  
  
  
  
The three walked on for about another hour before Fry collapsed on the ground.  
  
FRY: Leela, I'm so tired, I can't go on.  
  
LEELA: Come on, Fry. I's probably not that much farther.  
  
FRY: I can't breathe. (weakly) everything's going black... (gets cut off by Bender)  
  
BENDER: Just get up. I'd hate to be stranded in the middle of nowhere with YOU meatsacs!  
  
FRY: (suddenly recovering) What?  
  
BENDER: I said, uh...   
  
LEELA: (happily) Hey! What's that up ahead? (points to a blurry image of a jail) I think we made it! (runs over to it.) We found it! We found it! We... (she runs right through it.) Oh, just a marage.  
  
BENDER: I just realized something. (Leela and Fry turn to him) Okay, the Professor only said we had to deliver the nail files to the planet, not a specific place.  
  
LEELA: Nice try, Bender. (She notices Bender staring at something) Huh? (she and Fry look on. There's a REAL jail where he's looking.)   
  
FRY: That was luck, right?  
  
LEELA: (amazed) It's gotta be. (normal) Move your lazy asses and follow me. (She walks ahead of them to the jail and they follow.)  
  
When they approach the jail two guards who look like giant bulldogs with swords in their hands stop them by pointing their sharp blades at them.  
  
BULLDOG #1: Halt (howls)   
  
BULLDOG #2: What do you want at... (sticks his tongue out of his mouth and starts panting. Dog slobber drips off his tongue and lands on Fry's head.)  
  
FRY: (relieved) Ah, disgusting but refreshing.  
  
BULLDOG #2: ... Jail Bird 7?  
  
LEELA: We have a package of nail files to deliver.  
  
BULLDOG #1: (in Scooby Doo voice) Rail Riles?  
  
Bulldog #2 whacked him over the head with his paw and Bulldog #1 rubbed his head and huddled in a little ball in the corner. Leela held the box of nail files up to the other bulldog and he sniffed it.  
  
BULLDOG #2: (sniffing) Uh huh... Yup... G... (Sniffs harder) These aren't... (his eyes widen and he quickly lies down on the ground and starts biting his butt. Afterwards, he gets back up and looks at the crew.) THOSE aren't nail files! THOSE are illegal Star Treck tapes!  
  
FRY: (happily) Hey, I've been looking for those!  
  
LEELA: (jamming Fry in the ribs with her elbow) (quietly) Fry!  
  
FRY: (in pain) Ow. (falls down on the ground.)  
  
BULLDOG #2: (barks loudly then howls)  
  
Just then three human guards came running out of the jail and next to the giant bulldog.  
  
Human Guard #1: (in a Lurchlike voice) You rang?  
  
BULLDOG #2: Theses three were trying to smuggle illegal Star Treck movies into the jail! (sits down on the ground and scratches behind his ear with his back paw and then sits back up.) Arrest them!  
  
The guards cam rushing over to the crew. They all struggled to break free of their grasp but didn't succeed. In shame they were dragged (well, the only one who was litterally dragged was Fry by his feet because he was still on the ground from when Leela hit him) inside the jail.  
  
As he watched them get dragged away Bulldog #2 laughed evilly and stopped almost instantly when he saw a giant, pink, frisbee fly out of nowhere, circle his head a few times, and fly off into the desert. He chased after it, barking and howling. 


	3. Chapter 3

PART THREE  
  
We last left out heroes at the prision. They were being dragged one by one into a tiny cell with very little space to move and worst of all it only had two beds. The three got shoved into their cell. Leela hit the floor with a loud, OOF and she got up quickly and turned around to try and escape. But before she could, however, the metal bars closed tightly and she had to stop abruptly to save herself from hitting them.   
  
LEELA: Come on! (loudly) Open up! We need to get back to Earth! Our crazy old boss gave us the wrong package!  
  
HUMAN GUARD #1: Sure, everyone blames their crazy old bosses on illegal packages. (angrily) Now get back in that cell before I have to use my stun gun on you!  
  
LEELA: Stun gun? I've never heard of that kind of gun.  
  
HUMAN GUARD #1: (pulls a huge gun that was glowing at the end out of nowhere and waves it in Leela's face) Do you want a free demonstration?  
  
LEELA: (jumping backwards) No! No, I think I'll pass.  
  
HUMAN GUARD #1: Fine, more power for the other prisoners. (walks away)  
  
BENDER: Well, it looks like we're boned. (laughs)  
  
LEELA: Damn! (pulls on the bars) We have to get back to Earth! Please, let us go!  
  
A woman appeared in the cell across from them. She hung onto the bars.  
  
WOMAN: It is no use, once you come to Wallcatraz you don't escape.  
  
BENDER: Well, that explains that skeleton in the corner, there.  
  
He walks over to the corner to reveal a skeleton sitting there.  
  
LEELA: What do you mean?  
  
WOMAN: I once came from Earth to here.  
  
BENDER: Why did you wanna come to a wasteland like this? I guess people just aren't as sane as they look.  
  
WOMAN: Actually, I was here on a special mission.  
  
LEELA: Really? We were sort of on a mission to deliver nail files to this dump. God forbid we ever find out what they use them for.  
  
WOMAN: Nail files? Oh, the guards use them to file their nails on their breaks.   
  
BENDER: Yeah, I've heard prison guards aren't as straight as they look.  
  
Just then a guard wearing a rainbow t-shirt walked by them with a stun gun in his hand.   
  
BENDER: See what I mean?  
  
LEELA: What was the mission you were on?  
  
WOMAN: Oh... It's kind of a long story.  
  
LEELA: Don't worry, we've got all the time in the world... I guess.  
  
WOMAN: Okay, I'll tell you the first part. I used to work for a company called Planet Express.  
  
LEELA: Planet Express? We came from Planet Express.  
  
WOMAN: Long ago my name was Lea Clark. The man I used to work for, Professor Farnsworth, was an old, crazy, scinetist...  
  
BENDER: Trust me, we know.  
  
LEA: I used to be the pilot of his ship and had a crew of two men... Well, actually a fembot named Brigit and a man named Peter J. Flea, who everyone just called Flea. One day...  
  
BENDER: Wait, before you go on, tell me more about this fembot.  
  
LEA: Well, there's not much I can really say about her now, or Flea for that matter. But Bridgit was my best friend. And Flea? Well, he was sort of an idiot but me and Bridgit liked him anyway.   
  
BENDER: (uninterested) Oh, great.  
  
LEA: One day The Professor sent us here to deliver nail files and these two pitbull guard dogs threw me in prison. Flea and Bridgit managed to escape but from what I heard on the crappy, god for saken, newspaper they throw out to us my friends crash landed on Urectum, no joke intended, when they stopped for gas. I should've known that none of them knew how to fly the ship but how else were they going to escape the planet?  
  
LEELA: (sadly) How sad. I know how it is to experience loss.  
  
BENDER: Great, another orphanarium flash back.  
  
LEELA: I... (before she could finish her sentence Fry got up off the jail cell floor)  
  
FRY: (rubbing his head) Did I miss anything?  
  
BENDER: (relieved) Saved by the idiot.  
  
Fry walks over to the bars in the middle of Leela and Bender.   
  
LEELA: Not much... Just Lea's life story.  
  
FRY: Who's Lea?  
  
LEELA: (pointing to the cell across from them) Her.  
  
FRY: Oh... Well, now that everything's all caught up, will somebody tell me why we're in in a jail cell?  
  
LEELA: Astro out there caught us smuggling in illegal Star Trek tapes.  
  
FRY: My Star Trek Tapes? Oh, so NOW I know where they are.  
  
LEELA: Fry, complaining won't help. We need to find a way to escape this jail and we need to take Lea with us.  
  
BENDER: What? You're telling me that we might get stopped by the cops on a highway in the middle of space and the cops'll find an escaped prisoner in our ship? I have enough felonies as it is.  
  
LEELA: Yes. Lea has a past and who were those guards to tamper with it?  
  
BENDER: (slapping his forehead) Aw crap! 


End file.
